We Miss You So Very Much Cat Mama..

Marilyn, like many, faced many obstacles in her life.
She was headstrong and like many of us
caused a lot of her own problems..
As a child, she sometimes exhibited tendencies of a little
spoiled brat, throwing little temper tantrums if she didn't get her own way..
In other words, she appeared to be a typical child..
Worse than some but not as bad as others..
Her parents were kind understanding people who had a strong love for the Lord.. It was their guidance that helped to mold her into the lady that she grew up to be..
She had a strong desire to get totally involved in anything that she took part in.. She wanted to know all the details of things that drew her interest..
As a result of this, she always did very well in school..
Marilyn was a people person who never met a stranger.. She could be in a place with hundreds of people that she had never seen before and before long she would be involved in deep conversations with people..
She was always willing to share her knowledge with others who showed interest.. Her mother taught her much that she retained throughout life, like sewing and knitting..
Marilyn, like all of us, made some bad choices in her life and got involved with some "undesirable" people who did not appreciate her for what she was..
Like all of us she made her share of mistakes.. She had something about her that seemed to attract abusive men.. She was beaten so bad one time that she ended up in the emergency room..
She sustained injuries that bothered her the rest of her life..
Maybe it was her willingness to help others that got her into trouble..
Also, due to her being headstrong, having a smooth relationship was hard for her.. It took her almost a lifetime to overcome this..

She seemed to have the impression that she was put on this earth to help others and to take care of any animal that happened to cross her path..

The animals all seemed to love her as much as she loved them.. They seemed to sense that she was their friend..
Marilyn finally found the man that she had been hoping to meet all her life.. His wife had passed away and he was grieving when he met Marilyn at a Fanfare congregation in Nashville Tenn..
It seemed like they were drawn together by a higher power..
They were attracted to each other and shortly thereafter became man and wife..
Finally, Marilyn had found what she had been seeking all her life.. Someone who loved her, seemed to understand her and enjoyed being with her..
They did so many things together
that it all seemed like a fairy tale to her..
She had no idea that people could be this happy..
But little did she know that her happiness was to be short lived.. On the first anniversary of their marriage, they were going on a trip to celebrate a year of bliss..
They were going down the highway, when her husband, Cliff, made a gasping sound.. Marilyn looked at him and he had his head back..
The vehicle went to the right side of the highway and stopped. The motor died and there she was.. Marilyn finally got help and the Ambulance took Cliff to the hospital..
He never made it.. They said that he had suffered a massive heart attack.. They said, had he been in the emergency room when it happened that they could not have saved him..
So Marilyn's "Wonder Year" was over.. To say that she was grief stricken would be the understatement of all times.. All her life, she had been seeking happiness.. She had found it and cherished it for a year and it was jerked away from her..
To make matters even worse, if that were possible, due to not having all paperwork as it should have been, the greedy company who they had loans with said that she had no right to keep anything..
Not even the vehicle that Cliff had died in.. She was basically put out on the street with nothing..
Just think, from wonderful bliss with a man that adored her and that she adored in return to being homeless with no one..
She was far from her Indiana home when all this transpired.. With no one to turn to, she called her brother, Wally.
Wally made the trip to California and got Marilyn back to Ohio where she would be near her kids.. Marilyn took a job and was trying to carry on although grief strickened..
That is the point that Marilyn's life and mine became involved.. I had lost my wife to Bone Marrow cancer in 1994 and was alone..
I had no idea how much grief Marilyn was holding inside!
My wife had been gone six years and the pain had ebbed somewhat..
Marilyn and I became friends and most of the time got along quiet well..
She would get upset for no apparent reason, and the bad part was that she refused to talk about what upset her leaving the cause to be a mystery..

Now hindsight tells me that it was grief over losing what she had had with Cliff.. Naturally, she didn't want to tell me about it for fear of making me feel bad..
Marilyn had gone to church most of her life.. She thought everyone should go to church and was actively seeking a church to attend and fellowship with.. In the meantime, she started discussing the Bible..
(God works in mysterious ways..)
I had been a student of probably one of the best Bible teachers that ever lived for about 11 years at that time..
He taught the Bible chapter by chapter, verse by verse and line by line.. He fully explained everything as he taught..
He taught what the Bible actually said not what some man said..
When I was discussing some of these teachings to Marilyn, she said that I was crazy that the Bible didn't say all those things and that I was making them up..
She would become angry that I and my teacher would "twist Gods Word" in such a manner.. For awhile she refused to discuss the Bible at all..
Finally, I told her that if I had been taught wrong, I really want to know the real truth and asked her to help me prove the teachings wrong..

That was the encouragement Marilyn needed to start digging into the deeper studies of God's Word..
She was trying to help me..
She dug up all sorts of study material..
The problem was that the study material were the works of man from different "Denominations' and not the true word of God..
I showed her that the main tools she needed to do deeper studies of the Bible, was the King James Version of the Bible so that she could use the Strong's Concordance to break the languages back to the original..
And a Teacher's Edition of the Smith's Bible Dictionary..
She dug into her studies and spent hours reading and taking notes.. As she became more and more involved, I watched her personality change..
It seemed that God had replaced most of her grief with the desire to learn more of his word..
She didn't even seem like the same person.

Her studies continued and it wasn't long before she was teaching me things that I hadn't been aware of.. That pleased her and it seemed to feed the desire to learn more..
It was about this time that she became aware of the terrible shortcomings in the churches, where it was next to impossible to hear the Word of God discussed..
I recall that she started in a church and was overjoyed about belonging to it.. It was the greatest ever..
But after a short period of time, with the Word of God being omitted, she realized that this was not a church that would be pleasing to God..
By this time, she had mastered the study of the Key Of David and knew this church was not teaching it.

She went to another church and again was overjoyed and was so happy that she had found it..
I watched and listened and before long I seen her seeking a church to go to..
This church was wrapped up in the traditions of man that she had been warned about also..
A friend from the Red Hat group had been talking about the Bible with her and she brought up the fact that she was not happy in the church where she was..
The lady invited her to attend the church where she went and she took her up on the offer..
The people at that church were such a friendly bunch and made her feel welcome..
That pleased her and I was glad to see her finally happy..

She decided that it would be good if she could,

use what she had learned to teach others.

She had people calling her on a regular basis with questions and she seemed to enjoy that so much..
It is amazing how starving sheep will turn up when they hear that there is someone who will actually help them learn the Truth of God's Word..
Not unlike the stray cats that she loved so much.. They seemed to spread the word that she was a kind wonderful lady who would feed them.. She loved that too..
The Pastor of the church told her that she could teach vacation Bible Study and Sunday School if she wanted to.. She attended and graduated from a "Lay Speaking" course..
She also became an Ordained NON DENOMINATIONAL Pastor..
(Which probably did not please her "Denominational" Pastor..)

They gave her some books to use for her studies and told her that she had to teach from these books..
We were discussing these books and she said that she didn't feel that she should teach from them because they were not what the Bible stated..
She said, "Remember, we are held responsible for what we teach and these books are full of lies."

I asked her if she could just teach out of the Bible and she said they didn't want her to do that.
They wanted her to follow the guidelines laid out in the books which they had supplied..
I looked at the books and agreed that she should not teach what was in the books..
There is too much of that already being taught in the churches..
Marilyn was up in the air on making a decision, but had basically decided that if she couldn't teach God's Word from the Bible that she would have to decline the offer..
Meanwhile the church needed someone to attend a conference in Lakeland Florida..
No one wanted to go so they asked Marilyn if she would like to go..
This pleased her and she came home all excited with her new news..
She said that the church was going to cover all expenses, including food, gas and lodging..
I was happy for her but had deep gut feelings about the trip and was hoping that she would change her mind..
One night, she was on her computer and mentioned how hard it was to find a motel that was close to where the conference was that she could afford..
I stated that I thought the church was going to make all the arrangements and pay all the expenses..
Long story short, she wanted to go so bad that she ended up paying for everything herself and to my knowledge never received a penny that was promised from the church..

She contacted something while she was on her trip and got chills and fever while which was there..
But she really enjoyed the conference and was looking forward to going back next year..
She got home on Saturday, stating that she was not feeling very good. She had had the chills and fever on Friday..
By Sunday afternoon, we both had chills and fever and felt really bad with no energy...
By Monday the chills and fever had subsided a little but would come and go..
Our energy level was nearly zero.. We just laid around and tried to relax..
Tuesday, June 12 was the last day one could purchase plywood and hurricane supplies without having to pay state tax..
We needed some things so I asked her if she would like to get out of the house, get some fresh air and pick up the things we needed..
Little did I know that this would be our last shopping trip..
On Wednesday, she was feeling even worse as was I..
I told her that I thought she should see a doctor. She decided to wait until the next day to see if she had improved..
She was worse the next day..
We made her an appointment at a local Doctor's Office.. They checked her and said that she should go to an emergency room..
They recommended one in a nearby town..
I asked if it was a good hospital and one of the ladies there said it was, that she used to work there..
I took her word for it which proved to be one of the worst mistakes I have ever made..
I worked Fire Rescue for nine years and have been in several Emergency Rooms..
I have never seen on as bad as that one..
It took them nearly 3 hours to even look at her
and there was no one in front of her..
The staff acted like they were at a party
Sending out for food and were discussing recipes..
Marilyn's blood pressure had dropped to 80/40 and she was in pain.. They said that they were going to administer Morphine for pain..
The staff was very unfriendly and acted like they did not want to discuss anything..
I questioned the administration of Morphine with a blood pressure that low.. They ignored me!
The admitted her and moved her to a room.. The morphine was taking it's effect and she said that she was going to get some sleep.. She told me to go on back home and feed the animals and to come back tomorrow..
She gave me the number of her pastor and asked me to call him and let him know that she would not be able to teach Sunday school class on Sunday.. That would be our last conversation...
The next day (Friday) I returned to the hospital.. There was no one in the lobby.. Just a desk with a phone and a note that said, "Dial 0 for assistance" I dialed "0" and a voice asked if they could help me.. I told them that I ws there to see Marilyn..
The voice said, "She is not here.. We transfered her to Tallahasse Memorial Hospital." I asked what her condition was and the voice replied, "Critical".
They gave me a number to call the other hospital and hung up.. They never even bothered to call and let me know that she was being transfered..

I went to the other hospital along with her brother, Wally.. We were told that they had placed her in an induced coma because of the pain but had no idea what was wrong with her..
I called her pastor and gave him her message.. I told him where she was in case he should want to visit her..
His remark was, "If she is in intensive care, there is nothing I can do."
Not what I expected to say the least..

On Saturday, they still hadn't decided what was wrong with her.. On Sunday they decided that she was suffering from a Staph infection and there was little that could be done.. She died at 10:15 Sunday night..

I can't prove it but I am convinced that she contacted the Staph Infection in
the Emergency Room of the first hospital.

The chills and fever that I had lasted on and off for over two weeks..
Her Pastor called and I was assuming it was about the loss of Marilyn.. I was wrong one more time..
He did finally mention how sorry he was to learn of her death, but not before he asked if I knew where the Bible School books that she had brought from the church were..

I told him that I would be on the lookout for them and ask him to please Sign Marilyn's Memorial Registry .. HE HAS NOT SIGNED IT AS OF THIS DATE.. 1:48 AM 8/11/2007
Now I finally realized how Marilyn felt when she lost Cliff.. Until I was put in the same situation, I could have had no idea..
It answered a lot of questions about her that I could have never understood at the time.
The pain is like none I have ever had in my entire life.. It hurts so bad..
It is hard to believe that Marilyn was able to cope and even be half way friendly.. Life no longer has any meaning except to see what plan God has for me

A word of caution.. The things that your mate does that irritates you will be the things that will haunt you and cause immense pain if you should lose him/her.

For example, Marilyn loved to shop.. It seemed that we could not get in and out of Walmart in less that three hours.. That used to irritate me, and I couldn't understand why we couldn't just go buy what we came for and leave.."
After she has left me, It hurts almost beyond words to even go in the store that we spent so much time in.. It seems I can see her in every isle.. How I wish that she was there "keeping us" as before..
The pain is so unbearable that it is next to impossible to shop and purchase the things that are needed.. Especially cat and Dog food..
Another thing, I learned that last time I was there.. I just went in to get a few items.. I looked at my watch and realized that I had been in there for over two hours..
Then it hit me.. Walmart moves stuff around so much to get people to impulse buy that it actually took that long to find what I was looking for!
So even that had not been Marilyn's fault..
Oh how much we learn after it is too late..
Another word of warning and advise..
Enjoy each and every moment that God gives you with your spouse.. The things you do together now will become a memory in the future.. Try to preserve each moment as a good memory..

Marilyn and I did so many fun things together that, stupid as I was, I just took for granted..
Like the many enjoyable trips out to eat, our multitude of shopping trips, the trips to Books A Million, going to Silver Springs and seeing concerts, going to quilt shows..
Watching the Parade of Lights on the Suwannee River, riding the Motorcycle.. And the list continues..
Oh, what beautiful memories these things left!
And oh, how I wish I could just have the chance to relive them..
How I wish I had taken her to more places that she would have enjoyed and made even more memories...
I learned after Marilyn had gone home, through reading her notes and closing out her email addresses, that the past four years of her life was almost totally spent in the study of God's Word..
To make that many notes and have that many studies, she must have been thinking Bible nearly all the time..
But she made time to run a ministry on Prayer Shawls and to knit little hats for Premature Babies..
She bought the supplies for all her works and never received compensation from anyone other than some friends who would sometimes send her yarn or material..
For that help, she was always thankful and would always give thanks for the gifts and pray for the person who sent them..
She also made prayer Cloths for our troops who are defending our freedom and are not getting the credit they deserve..

Thank you Father for giving us to each other,
even for this short time..
It was a beautiful learning experience for both of us..
Eagle

Note: August 10, 2007
Marilyn's pastor, from McCalls's Chapel, has still not bothered to sign Marilyn's Memorial Registry..
Even though he was asked to PLEASE do so eight (8) different times..

Eagle

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